Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
