How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
