We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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