I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
