My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
