Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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