I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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