'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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