He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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