so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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