Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
