I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
