I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
