No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
