rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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