I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
