yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
