I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
