Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Moan for me like Helen Keller
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
