Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My vagina just recognized that song.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
