You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
