someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Randomize
