and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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