I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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