oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
