question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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