Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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