i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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