so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
