did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
