I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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