I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
