I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize