I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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