I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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