Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
its liver damage thursday
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