Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
