You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
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it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize