im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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