one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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