i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
