Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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