I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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