There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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