Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
