WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
