what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
