My first STD was from a foam party
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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