drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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