mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
