Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it's like iHOP with fire
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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