We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dicks are not precious.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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