SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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