No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
