Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
do herpes really smell.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
