I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
