Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
