i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
