Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
