At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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