I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
