She said her name was "party"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize