He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
