Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Shame - the story of my life.
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