two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
