I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize