I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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