this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We are two peas in an std pod
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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