After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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